College Pt. I: The Harsh Realities

Remember how I said my blogging days would fade out by Christmas? Well, my last post was on Halloween. It seems as though I overestimated my power of endurance. This is probably a sign that I should never have children or pets. I can't even take care of website. I probably should just let my blog die, rather than slowly killing it off.

^This is what I am doing to my blog.^

 As my freshman year comes to an end, I decided to do a two part post about what I have learned in college. This is Part One: The Harsh Reality. *Note to the reader: Part Two will be much happier, so please don't think I am a totally emotionally shut off human being because of this post.*

Well, dearest readers, Brittany is back and more jaded than before. First semester Brittany was full of freshman enthusiasm and optimism. Second Semester Brittany has been in the foxholes of college and seen the mental and emotional carnage. Second Semester Brittany has packed her battle wounds with an old T-shirt and is army crawling towards safety. Second Semester Brittany has been in an English class and has acquired a taste for dramatic writing. 

^My reaction when I realized Fall 2014^ 

registration was approaching

At this point of the blog post, the three relatives and two friends that decided to read this are probably concerned with my emotional and mental stability. Need thou not be afraid, dear ones! I am jaded, not postal. Sure, the month of February was kind of an emotional blur of harsh reality, but don't worry- I am still here, snarkily giving people my outlook on life. College has not defeated me yet! (Though I can't say for sure that sophomore year won't)

^College in a nutshell^

Here are some truths about college. My fellow college students can nod their heads in solemn affirmation to the truth of these statements. Future college students can convince themselves that they will be different. (We have all been there).

1. Stress-crying. It's a thing. Also, sometimes it leads to "Stress-singing Mariah Carey on the kitchen floor". That happened to me during finals week. I was simultaneously laughing/crying/singing "All I Want For Christmas is You" on the kitchen floor the night before my Stats final. There's no saying just how much you will snap after learning a whole semester's worth of statistics in one night.  

2. Early morning classes? HA! Guys, it's a struggle to get to my 10:30 class. I know you high school kids are thinking "I have to be to school before 7:30 every morning! I can definitely do it in college!" Again: HA! Let's just hope you aren't graded on attendance for that class. If you do decide to go (unlikely), it's not like high school. You will not have make up on, your hair will not be perfectly curled, and you probably won't even be aware if your clothes are on the right way. Even better? Everyone else is the same!

^Option 1 ^

^Option 2^

3. You don't have to go to class. So you don't. There isn't a secretary calling your mother to get your absences excused in college. In  fact, your mother never even has to know how often (or seldom) you go to class. It's a beautiful thing. And going to class late isn't an option. Usually the door is at the front of the classroom, all of the aisle seats are taken, so if you're late you're forced to do the walk of shame past the professor and shuffle through a crowded row of students. It's not worth it. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. A lot of college professors put their lectures online, so you can tell yourself you will watch/ read them later that day- no harm done! Realistically, you won't watch/read any of the lectures. You will watch Law and Order: SVU and hope the professor didn't go over anything too important. Or hope your professor isn't anything like the professor on the episode you just watched. 

^I did this more than I should admit.^

^I also did this more than I care to admit^

4. Laptops are such an efficient way to take notes! And by "taking notes", I of course mean browsing Facebook, Pinterest, or your website of choice. I spent more time shopping on Amazon in Stats than I did learning statistics. I watched two episodes of Community in my Psychology class the other day. I do more pinning in class than I do at home. I am writing this post in English right now (I started it in Psychology yesterday). Don't get me wrong, I have definitely taken some of my best notes on my laptop. But I have also done my best internet browsing in class.

^I can't even express how true this is.^

5. Procrastination. Oh boy, procrastination. I was a procrastinator in high school, but my high school procrastination is pale in comparison to my college procrastination. Here is the best example I can think of: We had to write a research paper for my Political Science class. The night before it was due, my roommate and I decided (once we got back from night skiing) that we should start on the paper. We got an email that our professor was sick, so the paper would actually be due a week later. We were so excited- now we have a whole week to research and write the paper so we don't have to pull an all-nighter!  When, you ask, did Emily and I get around to writing these extensive research papers? When else- the night before they were due. Guys. It's not even night-before anymore. I do my assignments the day they are due. I have also pulled all-nighters (complete with stress crying) to read all of the required chapters the night before a test.

6. This one is directly related to procrastination: You will not spend your time wisely. As mentioned in my previous paragraph, I had a huge research paper due in Political Science. What did I do instead? I went night skiing. I should be writing my persuasive research essay for English...Nah, I'll just watch all 5 seasons of Community instead. Pulling an elaborate prank is much more worthwhile than a project. Yes, I will spend two and a half hours going through the $5 movie bin at WalMart with you, I don't care about my grades. Naps will become your new best friend. You will tell yourself you will be able to work so much harder once you have taken a nap... But then boys from the ward come over and want to watch a movie. So you tell yourself you will work on your paper while watching the movie. Thirty minutes in your laptop has been pushed to the side and forgotten. So you stay up late writing said paper, all the while telling yourself you will never do this again. And lo and behold, what happens the next time you have a project/paper/test? I'll give you a guess.

Why yes it does. 

True story.

7. FINALS. The dirtiest "F" word to a college student. If you are a diligent student who doesn't procrastinate, reviews all notes and lectures on a regular basis, and pays attention in class, it really isn't a big deal. Well, I can't say this for sure, as I am not one of those students. The more likely scenario is that you have had a horribly boring class, you never went, you did the base requirements to pass assignments/tests up to this point (which is usually late night cramming/crying the night before each test). But now the professor is punishing you for disliking his/her class. This is Judgment Day, and you have a week to prepare. So buckle up and hold on for dear life. You have one week (probably less) to learn a whole semester's worth of material. You will be cramming so much information into your fragile mind that it will eventually shut down. You will forgot how to structure sentences. Someone will ask you something as simple as "What time is it?" and you will look at them (through bloodshot eyes) as if they are speaking Arabic. You may even break into tears, hating yourself  because you can't comprehend what they want from you. You will find yourself huddled in the fetal position on the floor, singing to yourself, not knowing where you are. "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi becomes the anthem of your week. When the professor starts handing out the final, you just start laughing. Maniacally. You look at the first question, tears of laughter/anguish building up in your eyes. You take the test, hoping you aren't putting Sociology concepts on your Statistics final. At this point, you honestly can't tell the two classes apart. You leave class feeling as though you were just thrown out a window. Final's week is a surreal battle that you will never understand until you are in the midst of the flying bullets and carnage. 

Willy Wonka knows what's up.

For more information on the horrors of Finals Week click here

There you have it, folks. The dark side of college. Sorry it's so long.... But the stress of college is also long lasting. So it's fair.